The Strangest of Times – Stay at Home Week 5

The Strangest of Times – Stay at Home Week 5

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I had a tough few days last week for some reason, maybe it was the weather as we had thick sea mist, low visibility and sometimes rain, although this doesn’t usually bother me over much if it’s relatively short lived which this was. Maybe it was the way ‘the future’ is being spoken about in the news, no end in sight, talk of 2021, 2022 or even never. If I was a decade or so younger I don’t think this would bother me the same way but in my mid 60’s with a husband a few years older, taking one or two years away from us seems huge. There are all kinds of implications regarding our health, fitness, both physical and mental, and our ability to continue doing what have always loved to do which is to travel long haul to explore and have adventures. I actually resent the fact that this may never happen again and that what is left, what we have now, as good as that is and as lucky as we are, may be as good as it gets. I have toyed with the idea of shifting how I am feeling which I can do relatively easy but for some reason to feels important to experience this fully. No doubt at some point I will realise why I need to do so. Right now the purpose escapes me so I am just going with it for the time being. I have since discovered that a lot of people were feeling the same way around this time, seems we all ran into the same wall.

OK the doom and gloom lasted until I did a Reiki distance swap with a friend who was feeling the same way. We both described seeing and feeling a huge cloud being lifted from us which was amazing. All good again and back to normal now 🙂

I actually think we owe it to ourselves to be able to have off days, days where we feel low or overwhelmed and to acknowledge these for what they are. To have light we must also have dark, there is always duality in everything and if we force down or hide the dark times and try to always be in the light, to pretend everything is always ok, it can have a detrimental effect on us. The challenge we all have though, is to keep from getting dragged down into the dark, to accept it, to acknowledge it for what it is, to let it stay while it needs to and cheerfully wave it goodbye as it leaves.  I am obviously not talking about real depression here which is something else entirely, but the ups and downs of living through a period of uncertainly which can be stressful, even for those of us who usually shake off the stress. It is ok though not to be ok.

What I had lost sight of over the last few days had been living in the moment. I had been looking ahead which I realise now is fatal. I will be trying as hard as I can not to make the same mistake again. Taking each moment at a time, each day at a time, is really the only way I am going to get through this. Just for today do not worry is a Reiki principle to really try to live by in these times it seems.

As is show gratitude and today I am grateful for

  • insight
  • awareness
  • someone to swap distance Reiki with
  • the sunshine and warm breeze
  • walking in the fresh air
  • the apple blossom in the garden
  • bees

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  • my new camera
  • springtime
  • new life 

 

One thing I have noticed this week is that when I get stressed it seems to be by things that wouldn’t bother me usually such as our online shopping arriving an hour and a half after the booked time, my computer only working when its plugged in or my headphones working on my husband’s computer but not mine. This is possibly something to do with not having an alternative, the need to be reliant on others and things that are out of my control. I suspect the further we go in to this, the more not being in control will come up for me. The whole situation is outside my control though, so yet again I am back to the need to live only on the moment, letting everything else go.

A new thing I have realised this week is that I am not really reading books which is completely unlike me. I can easily read one in a day or two and when I get a new Stephen King have to ration my reading to make it last. I can only put this down to my attention span being much shorter than usual. I am flitting between things, not staying anywhere long and so concentrating to read a book is much harder than say reading something online.

We should have been in Singapore now celebrating my husband’s birthday with afternoon tea in Raffles hotel. As we can’t be there, or anywhere come to that, we are celebrating with an afternoon tea at home instead. I ordered a small birthday cake from a local baker and having collected it this morning have to say it looks delicious. There are home made savoury chou pastries, and eclairs, shop bought cakes and I will be making some finger sandwiches – smoked salmon and proscuttio await, plus there are strawberries and champagne. I’d say we will be more than ok 🙂

The Return of the Crow

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Last year we had a solitary crow that visited every day, sometimes several times a day, to feed from our bird table. I felt really sorry for it as if other crows were around it would run and hide under the garden table but yet was never bothered by either of us. As winter progressed it taught itself to balance on a dead piece of bamboo and using its weight would creep along the bamboo, bending it until it could reach the bird feeder. It also learnt that by standing on one of the stones that we use to stop the bird table being blown over by the wind if it jumped slightly it could reach the fat balls too.

When spring came the crow disappeared and although there are always crows in the garden, or sitting high in the ash trees of the solitary crow there was no sign.

Until yesterday 🙂

Yesterday we noticed a crow jumping up to feed from the bottom of the fat ball container. Unlike other crows who hit and run, or grab everything, we watched this crow feed and when it had had enough, wander off down the garden, just like the crow that visited last year had done.

Today it was back again. I am as sure as I can be that it is the solitary crow from last year. It is not bothered by me moving around in the conservatory unlike with other crows the smaller birds and our resident pigeons are unafraid of it and happy to continue feeding while it is there. I am happy that it has remembered it can feed here and I look forward to watching it again this winter too.

Under the weather

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I seem to have been neglecting my blog recently but to be fair I have some good excuses.

Firstly I injured my arm at Boot Camp. I didn’t realise I had injured it at all until I got home and noticed the bruise on the back of my hand. Red at first and situated between the middle and ring fingers of my left hand, this gradually turned black. If I traced a line from the bruise down my arm it was tender and then it began to ache. Deciding I had probably done ‘something’ I strapped it and ignored it but out did restrict the little ability I have to type.

Then came the weather along with pollen, dust and mould spores at which time my allergy asthma kicked off and I ended up at the doctors on a nebuliser and came home with antibiotics, steroids, something for nighttime and the normal inhalers and antihistamine. The good news was though that I got my arm checked….a torn muscle, the remedy for which was to support it so its now, even as I type I am wearing a support and will stop when it begins to ache.

To say all of this has wiped me out is an understatement. Breathing and getting enough oxygen into our system is something we take so much for granted. Even with allergy asthma, because it is system overload and fortunately only happens occasionally, it is easy to forget this. I really had forgotten how much my body relies on my being able to breathe to feed the muscles let alone anything else. It has been quite a shock to go from three sessions a week at Curves to not being able to potter around for an hour without feeling like someone has unplugged me. I’m not sure I have ever known my energy to drop so quickly and so dramatically.

And then there is the cough and the light purr that even now on the final day of my meds is still there. I won’t bore you all with these but they are part of it.

I am grateful that I can now see signs of improvement, that I can almost sleep through the night without shocking myself awake coughing, that I have good friends I can call on to send Reiki, that I know to drink wild garlic tea (harvested and dried in the spring) to stop it sinking to my chest and I am grateful that I live somewhere where I can see my doctor on the day I need to and not a week or more later, or even not at all.

Anyway, my arm is aching now so I am stopping. If I’m not around for a bit you at least know why.

Being Grateful

I can still remember being on a course as few years ago and admitting that I found being grateful difficult. It’s not the being grateful as such because when I stop and think about it I am grateful for so much, it’s more that I forget to be grateful on a moment by moment or even a day by day basis, if that makes sense.

The last couple of days though I have been very conscious of being grateful.

Recently I have made a decision to cut down, at least for the rest of this year, on how often I am available to see clients. I am grateful for having the freedom and flexibility to be able to make this decision. I am grateful for having such a rich and varied life that I need to make this decision in the first place and I am grateful that I have reached a place in my life where I know it is ok to take a step back sometimes, that I don’t feel guilty for saying ‘no’.

Today I felt gratitude in quite a different way when I awoke to rain and wind, something that could have made me feel quite the opposite. After being aware that things, on the surface anyway, had been stagnant, or stationary at least, for sometime, the wind felt as if it was here to blow away the stagnancy and herald the start of a change. Just as when I open all the windows to clear the energy of my home so it seemed as if the wind was blowing my cobwebs away.

By the time I was up it had stopped raining and deciding I needed some fresh air, to be outside in the wind, I collected up a basket and ventured down the garden to collect up windfall branches to dry out for kindling for the fire. Outside I realised I was not only grateful for the wind but also for the trees who were providing the kindling for us over the winter. I then realised how grateful I was for the mildness of the day which meant that in the second week of November I could be outside barefoot and not be cold.

No doubt I have missed other reasons to be grateful during this time but for me this feels like as abundance of gratitude, and for that I am also grateful.