Earlier today I needed to take some photos, or rather get my husband to take some, for Shaman Moon, a blog column I write in Indie Shaman Magazine. This should have been easy, we were both around, we had time and when we first woke the sun was shining but then the sea mists closed in. By the time we were both ready to move outside with the camera and my drum it was grey and murky. So I did what I would do in most situations like this – I asked for clarity, which in some cases can mean being still and listening or it can mean paying attention in other ways, using other senses.
As soon as I had asked I noticed the daffodils coming into bloom and realised that the light of the sun comes in many forms. I then noticed that there were no shadows to affect the photos, that it may not be sunny but it was at least dry and from this I knew there was no putting it off.
Sometimes I can place ridiculous restrictions around myself or things I need to do especially when it’s not something that I want to do. Restrictions such as I will do that if x and y are so, and if x and y are not so, the opportunity may be missed completely. There are times when it is necessary and acceptable to do this, when doesn’t feel right to do something for example, but sometimes it is just a delaying tactic, something that I construct when I don’t really want to do something, a form of resistance as it were. This was certainly the case with the photos. I don’t particularly enjoy having my photos taken, or rather I don’t mind the taking of them, it is seeing them afterwards that can be the problem. I, probably like many of us, have an image in my head of how I’d like to be seen, and when I look at photos I don’t often see this. Instead I see myself getting older, my hair not how I hoped it was looking, my clothes not the way I thought they were and so on and so forth.
Getting over myself I dragged my husband off the computer, out into the garden and instead of worrying about anything just told him to keep clicking, to let things flow and in the flowing maybe, just maybe there would be something that didn’t make me cringe.