I have always known that fire can both feed and destroy but until recently had only ever had first hand experience of fire as a force that is creative. The last couple of weeks though I have seen the other side, the wild destructive, all consuming side of fire. It’s been a hard lesson for me but one that I believe will stay with me for a very long time.
The first thing I should explain is that there is a lot of fire in my energy anyway, usually balanced and dampened nicely by earth which is my predominant energy. I work with fire all the time, I love having fire around my room when I am healing, I use fire to release things I no longer feel are serving me, I sit close to fire, dream into the flames, always have fire present when performing ritual or ceremony and it has never failed to fulfilled its role as creative fire for me.
I am at present training as a Bard with the OBOD and have so far spent time working with earth, water and air. The week before last I was ready to begin working with fire, something I was really looking forward to. As part of the training each element is begun with a ritual that helps me to connect with whichever element I am to be working with. The ritual went well and I was very comfortable with it all until at the end as I was meditating on the fire within my fire bowl. The energy of fire ran along the ground, into my body and my energy field and for a few moments I actually became fire.
As I stood up after the ritual my abdomen felt uncomfortable and within hours I had cystitis. My pharmacist when dispensing my medicine blamed it on ……too much heat.
The following week I spent two days passing on the Munay Ki rites to a student. These are given and received as seeds that are then fed with….fire! Probably not the most sensible thing to have been doing but it’s hard to reschedule work sometimes.
Since then fire has continued to blaze inside me bringing some things to light that might otherwise have been hidden but also continuing to create problems for me as I have been completely out of balance.
I have been working hard with the elements of water and earth, especially water, to try and calm down the fire raging through my being. I have avoided any contact with fire, the energy of fire and also direct sun wherever possible. Gradually things are now settling down but I know I’m still not quite there yet.
August 1st was Lughnasadh, chance to hold a ceremony to mark the cross quarter fire festival, the turning of the wheel and to call down the God of Light and Fire. I gave this a miss, finding instead other ways to mark the point in time and recognise its significance for me and my life.
An Ovate in the OBOD that I was ‘chatting’ to online, explained my recent experience as being like the difference in the Norse tales between Loki and Utgard-Loki or creative fire and wild fire; wild fire is so ravenous it will eat everything and even consume itself.
I hope that the fire in me is now almost under control. I am being patient before I continue my work with the element for although I love fire I have discovered first hand, the dangers, the risks involved and even though I need its energy to feed the seeds I am sowing in my life now I really do not wish to be consumed by it.